Accepting Divorce Through Your Children’s Eyes! Asia and Her Friends’ Parents’ Divorce…

Asia's hairShe came home the other day and said, “Moma, Alexis was crying all day today”.  I asked, “Why was she crying”?  She said, “her dad told her that he wasn’t going to be living with them anymore”.  I asked, “why, are her parents getting a divorce”?  And she replied, “yes moma and she is so sad”.  So I began to comfort Asia’s friend through comforting Asia, even though her friend wasn’t right there in front of me, I felt like Asia was having somewhat of a difficult time with this as well, so I began giving comforting words to Asia, therefore by osmosis I guess she could pass them along to her sweet friend Alexis.  I felt so bad for this little girl and Asia.  I told Asia, “well honey things like this do happen but it will be okay.  Let your friend know that these things sometimes work themselves out.  I mean look at me and daddy, we got divorced and we wind up back together”.  Asia looked at me very innocently and said, “I know moma and I get it but telling Alexis that is not going to make “her” feel better, her parents are getting divorced ANYWAY”.  I stood there in awe.  For 1., how is my child so calm and so wise about this topic.  I know we’ve talked to them (her and Bryce) about what happened between mommy and daddy and we discuss a lot about the times when we were apart and all of what we felt and went through during those times.  So I get it that this conversation would be easy for her to deal with but wow, I’m almost a little proud and a little shocked all in the same thought.  But what really took me by surprise was what Asia said about her friend’s situation, “her parents are getting a divorce “Anyway” moma”.  The fact that for this little girl, her parents’ story would more than likely end quite differently than Me and Asia’s dad.  Yes, we ended up “remarried” after our divorce but listening to Asia and her sense of “Finality” about divorce made me realize that yes, sometimes, it just doesn’t work out.  Sometimes it just wasn’t meant to be and there is nothing wrong with that.  We don’t have to whitewash it and put pretty flowers around “Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce” to make it more palatable for others to receive.

 

We have to get to a place where we accept the hand that’s been given to us instead of trying to make something work that was probably never really meant to be in the first place.  Now I’m not at all referring to Asia’s little friend and her parents situation, I don’t know their situation in detail and however I still do believe that God can “Do Anything”, if we are willing participants.  However, I do believe that sometimes, the relationship will not be saved and the best thing we can do is to walk away but with love and peace in our hearts for the other spouse.  I was so very proud of Asia that day.  As I know the topic of divorce is still a somewhat “emotional” topic for them (her and Bryce) because they actually experienced it but I’m more grateful everyday for my divorce because it has allowed even my children to come to the realization that “hey, things happen and people do sometimes stop loving “each other” and divorce is a real reality for some mommies and daddies”.  How could such strength and courage (Asia’s ability to talk so candidly about divorce and her hurting friend) come out of something so very ugly and hurtful (separating your family)?  My answer, God! And his amazing ability to make something “Good” out of something that was so “Bad”.  My divorce not only saved my marriage but it has also given even my children the courage and strength to speak up about it and to even share their parents story but to also know that sometimes, it doesn’t work and that’s okay too.  #My Divorce Has Blessed My Life For the Better, It Saved My Marriage.

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