I Gave Up Everything In Order To Have it All.

ImageI remember when I left my home with nothing but a couple of bags of my kids toys, their clothes, my clothes and my car, that was it. I remember a friend asking me, “Are you crazy? How are you going to start over with nothing (basically only the clothes on your backs)?  Who walks away from everything”?  I think I smiled and said to her, ” I’m willing to let it all go because at this point, all I want is to be happy again & whatever it takes to get to that place again, I’m willing to give it all up to get back there”.  As I think back, that honestly had to be a “God moment” back then because there is no way any “sane” thinking woman with 2 children would’ve just walked away from “Everything”.  Her home, her husband, her means of making a living, her friends, EVERYTHING. However God knew best because I sure as heck didn’t.  All I knew was that happiness & peace were somewhere on the horizon for me again & it wasn’t at all tied up in the house, the cars, the broken relationship, the friends, etc.  He (God) knew that I had to let it all go in order for him to restore it.  By making the decision to give it all up, I was actually putting myself in a position to receive “All” that I had lost…and then some.

Now, as hard as it was to walk away from the home we had built together, the beautiful family we had started together, our mutual friends and what we thought was an amazing and unbreakable bond we shared, it didn’t matter anymore.  The thing that I wanted most at this point was peace and Joy and happiness again.  The “stuff” no longer mattered to me.  The idea and the image of marriage that we were portraying was no longer important.  All I knew is that I wanted to be happy again, so I let it go.  I gave it all up not knowing that it was all a set up in preparation for the blessings that he was about to pour down in my life.

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I didn’t realize that by giving it all up and deciding that my peace & happiness were the most important things to me at that time, that God was actually setting me up to have that and great deal more.  He wanted me to have it “All” but he had to remove the “Ideas” and the images of what I had perceived marriage to be.  Once he showed me that the “stuff” & the outside relationships didn’t make a marriage, it was that much more easier to let it all go, to give it up.  Now let me clarify the word “All” for those of you who may be thinking that I’m referring to the material aspect of “All”. No.  When I say that God has given me “All” in return for me “letting it all go”, I’m referring to the peace, the joy the amazing and indescribable love that I now have for my husband.  He gave it “All” back to me and a little extra!  I’ve most certainly been in love before, yes! What a feeling that is, right?  However at this moment in my life, the love that I experienced back then has nothing on how I feel towards my husband today.

Because of my divorce, I now love with absolutely no guard up.  There’s no, “if you love me today & show it, then I will too”.  We both have decided that no matter what mood the other person is in, good or bad, “Stank” (LOL!) or indifferent, it doesn’t change how we feel about one another. We’re here for the long haul. Taking care of one another and being considerate is not an option based on how you treat me, it is the order of the day and we both realized that by responding to one another in that way (only doing based on how we feel), that that wasn’t a marriage and definitely not one that God had anything to do with. So we had to allow God to repair the broken places in us and in doing so, he showed us, me more specifically, that giving it all up, was the first step to having it “All” again.

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God restored “All” that we lost in the divorce. We truly “thought” we loved one another back then but to have gone through what we’ve been through it makes you a little bit more appreciative of each other and it makes you love that much harder, the second time around.  So yes, I gave up “Everything”, materially that is, in order to have it “ALL”, mentally, physically and spiritually. Knowing what I now know, I would give it all up again, to be in the place where I am today.  Loving with no guard, no walls, no ridiculous expectations and no responding based on how I feel…okay, well not all the time anyways, LOL.  Now let’s be absolutely REAL for a moment.  Is life easy and is everybody walking around loving each other all day, everyday, ahh, No! LOL!!  However, our marriage is so much more stronger  and we’re convinced that nothing, not man created that is, can separate this bond that God has covered, “TWICE”. LOL. Yes, I walked away from everything, in order to have it all. #My Divorce actually Saved My Marriage.

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5 thoughts on “I Gave Up Everything In Order To Have it All.

  1. April your blog is awesome! You are inspiration to all of us women facing the same challenges that you did. I’m in awe of what God can do even after we feel like we’ve done all that we can do! God Bless You girl!

  2. I look forward to reading your blog. Marriage has been alot of hard work, your blog lets me see after 20 years it really doesn’t have to be. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • No, thank you LaDonna! I do appreciate you & your support of this ministry moma! And yes, it is & can be a lot of hard work but there are times, it really doesn’t have to be. However in order to get to that place, I think that it is imperative that we put in the work. The best is definitely yet to come:)! Thanks again lady!

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