I can honestly admit, I had one of the BEST pregnancies ever! Hands down! Okay, for those of you who were with or anywhere around me during my pregnancy and you read that first sentence, I know you’re saying to yourself, “That’s a lie if I ever heard one”! LOL! Okay, I’m not necessarily referring to the actual pregnancy itself (that’s a whole nother’ post, lol) however I am referring to the non-stop care and time and attention that was provided to me by my husband. I was extremely sick, almost the entire pregnancy. And as much crying and vomiting I did, Herman (Pondy) was right there beside me, holding a trash can or a pan or whatever he could grab, under my curled up, weak and exhausted body. I can distinctly remember him scrubbing floors, almost weekly, cleaning up vomit from when I tried desperately to make it to the bathroom in time (and this happened at least three to four times a week). He was phenomenal! He called to check in on me all day. He cooked, he cleaned, he washed clothes, you name it, he was right there! However, it was when the babies arrived, that things seem to change and almost immediately! How does one go from being extremely concerned and caring to almost non-existent when I needed him the most.
It was one of the most beautiful moments of both of our lives! There we were, in the delivery room, Herman standing to the left of me near my head, poised with the camcorder (yeah, this was pre-iphone era, lol) in his hands and there I was, lying stretched out on the delivery table, thinking, “what is with all of this procedure and protocol and chit chatting about paperwork…Let’s get this thing on the road! I’m so ready to meet these little people”! We were ready, so we thought. We had purchased almost everything we needed. We had enough diapers and clothes and bed spreads and ointments and lotions, creams, bottles, you name it, to last us at least 3 months (and that was for 2 babies)…yeah, we we’re READY! Ready to leave Herman and April in that delivery room and almost never to see them again. Almost. It was almost instantaneous. As my most Awesome OB was pulling the babies out, one by one, Herman left first (because he got to see them come out before I did, something happened). And as baby #2 was being pulled out and was held up high, over my Cesarian sheet that was tied or draped across me, I then left. Now I don’t want you to think that we physically got up and left out of the delivery room, no, not at all. We were truly probably the most obnoxious new parents you ever did see! Taking pictures and gloating and singing and praising God, lol! Yeah, we were a mess but in a good way. However spiritually and mentally, Herman and April no longer existed as two individual beings who had cared for, looked after and taken care of one another for the past 10-12 years. We had become “Parents”, Bryce and Asia’s Moma and Daddy were our “New” names! Now, there was never a “pre-birth” discussion on how we would, at 4:30 and 4:32 respectively, let go of those two very important people who had walked into that hospital. No, no agreement, no discussion, it just happened, unknowingly and to the both of us, at the same time. Crazy, right?
We both became so caught up in the “Responsibility” of parenting “2” babies that we completely neglected the two people that helped to create these two beautiful and amazing beings. Herman became obsessed with work and making sure he was able to provide for and take care of now “3” individuals, no longer 1. As for me, I became “Mother Extraordinaire”! If it didn’t fit in or around the schedule of little Mr. Bryce and little Ms. Asia Moncrief, it wasn’t gonna happen, not by me. My babies became the most important thing to me and then it became about my career. So now you have two people, who have completely stopped breathing, not only for themselves but for one another. Now everything they did from that moment on was from a “parenting” perspective and it was all about their babies.
There was no more Herman and April or Peaches and Pondy, it was only, “what does Bryce and Asia need”! Sounds perfectly normal to some I’m sure. You may be thinking, yes, you have babies, you take care of babies, right? However for us, this was not normal because there was never a time since we had met when we weren’t 100% involved in one another’s lives. We were extremely close, almost like siblings. We basically grew up “dating” one another, so this was bad for us, really bad. We realized near the end (of the marriage) where we had gone wrong. Later, we talked about how, almost at the same time, we died in that delivery room that day & two other people, not known to us, walked out with our babies. We thought we were doing exactly what we were suppose to do, after all, we had planned everything to the T. Little did we know, we still needed to keep breathing, keep living, for one another. We, as individuals, died in that delivery room that day BUT GOD, only God knew that it was purposeful that we did. So that he could put back together, in front of all, now to two very strong, passionate, and LOVING individuals. #HowMyDivorceSavedMyMarriage.