I remember the day I finally left our marriage. It was the day that I had had enough of crying & praying & trying & talking & putting myself out there to my husband in ways that were not necessarily the norm for me. I gave it all up. I threw my hands up at God & told him, I can’t fix this. This is your child and your situation, have at it. Not realizing that that was the day God unfolded his arms, smiled a smug little smile, poured down something on the inside of me that gave me strength to walk away & he began his work on the both of us.
See, I had always figured that I, or “We” needed to be the ones to fix our marriage. You know, that thing that “we” put together (never even for one second considering God’s power in our marriage). I mean, I prayed to him & talked “at” him about possibly “assisting” me with my marriage but I don’t think I ever consulted him “specifically”. Because I realized that in consulting him, his will, which in my opinion, was very methodical and slow moving, would now be in play and I would have to relinquish my will and my desire to “hurry up” and fix this thing, LOL. No ma’am, no sir! “We” needed to fix this!
This was my thinking and God knows we did everything within our power to do so. And as I think back to everything that we tried, for example, the counseling, the talks, the walks, the dinners, etc., God purposely let every attempt FAIL. He (God) needed to bring us out so that everybody who saw us destroy our marriage, could now see God revive it & bring it back to life. God wanted the glory! He didn’t want Peaches with her strong prayer life to get it (because I would have been boastful and proud of that). Nor did he want Pondy with his great humility & willingness to work hard at his marriage to get it (because he would’ve had some swagger and proud of people saying that about him). No, God didn’t want anybody stepping up & taking credit for fixing this monstrosity of a mess but him because if man got the credit than that meant man now had the power to pick & choose who he would “help” with his message and story of grace, mercy and salvation. No, God wanted this Marriage to be saved by his might & his might alone!
When I walked away, God showed up & quite beautifully, showed out. He began to melt our hearts and remove away all of the coldness, bitterness and anger. We began to feel empathy for another & for what the other person had been enduring this whole time. We began to see each other as God saw us, humanly flawed but with so much love and passion for one another. I love my husband so much more today because God showed me that he’s human and flawed, just the way he (God) designed him. His weaknesses, that use to once upon a time send me over the edge with anger, now made me empathetic and understanding and more appreciative and grateful for even the smallest gesture of kindness. I am grateful for the day I walked away from my marriage! Because that was the day God was able to began the healing process in both of our lives.
We always talk about “giving it all to God & not worrying about it”. I’m gonna “leave it at the altar”. Child, bye! LOL! Whenever you hear somebody say that, go pray harder for them because if anything, they’ve actually picked up more that God was suppose to be handling & brought it back with them. Our intentions are truthfully well meaning to “leave it with God” but by nature, it’s so very hard to do. I wanted to fix my marriage but I didn’t have the power nor the capacity to do so, or at least I didn’t know how to tap into that power. Therefore God had to almost force me out of the way so that he could bring this thing BACK to where he desired it to be. And for that, I will be forever grateful for the day I left my marriage. It was the beginning of the best days of my life. #How My Divorce Saved My Marriage. #HMDSMM.