I remember very vividly, right before one of our big cookout/get togethers that we were hosting at our home, and oh yeah, the arguments always seemed to happen right before people were due to arrive at the house (are we honestly the only ones, lol!?!?), we would have one of our ridiculously BIG fights! We knew people were about to walk through the doors at any minute, so what did we do!?!? We pulled out those 2 familiar people that we ONLY bring out for special occasions. It was the “fake happily married Herman and April”. On one particular cookout eve, we had been having a heated argument the entire morning, and nothing really to do with anything except that we were both under a tremendous amount of stress trying to get everything ready for our party.
We had about 50 people headed our way and the food wasn’t even on the grill, the bathrooms hadn’t been cleaned and the kids weren’t even dressed, and neither were we. I’ve always been pretty neurotic about cleaning before, and after, people would come over. And I’m also very particular about at least being presentable when folks hit the door and none of that had been done because I was too busy helping my husband with items that he “should have” taken care of days before. But of course, in only true, “Procrastination style”, my amazingly intelligent, beautifully handsome, loving husband, “WAITS” until the very last minute to get the food prepped for the cookout as well as buy any type of beverages (yes, there wasn’t even a juice box in the house,lol) and a host of other “to do’s”. Long story short, we were taking some serious jabs at each other that whole morning. Me, proclaiming very loudly, “I wish for the day when this man would “finally” get his act together”! And him just simply “wishing me away! Out of his face, nagging him to death”!
So to say the least, that morning was horrible! We weren’t really speaking to each other. just a mere mumble under our breath or an “excuse me”, as we both happened to walk down the hallway at the same time. We never even made eye contact with one another, well, that is, until the doorbell rang! Lol. Yes, the first guest to hit the door was always the one who was unknowingly walking into “God knows what” before an event at our house:). As I had just finished brushing my son’s hair and applying a quick dab of lip gloss on my lips, I ran downstairs full speed, flung the door open and greeted our very first guest with a, “Hey Yall”! LOL! Yes, if there was some tension in our home before that doorbell rang, there would not be a soul who would know it:). This was my and my husband’s normal routine a few hours before any event we were throwing at the house. As guests would continue to arrive, one after the other, the bigger my smile got and the FAKER my happy got:)! Herman and I even talked in the direction of one another while people were there. No one was the wiser, well, except us. So the get together went off as planned! Everyone in attendance had a great time, heck, even Herman and I mustered up a laugh or 2 and even joked with one another while all of our friends gathered around in the kitchen swapping stories on marriage and children. It was a great time! Until the last guest left and the door to our supposedly happy home closed for the last time that night. It was deafening silence in the house again. Each of us, reserved to our corner of the house, picking up empty soda cans and half eaten plates of chicken and mac n’ cheese. I was cleaning the kitchen and he was on the outside blowing out the mosquito lanterns and squeezing out wet towels that had been left lying in the yard from the kids playing on the slip and slide. As we finished the last of the cleaning we went up to check on the kids before we called it a night, still, not a word to each other. We had managed to fake a beautiful and happy marriage for the past 10 hours and no one had a clue.
Fast forward a few years, do we still have those crazy and stressful moments right before a gathering at our house, or just in our marriage in general? But of course we do! Lol. Just because we’ve remarried and learned the error of our ways, my husband’s personality is still “wait to the last minute”, lol, it’s just who he is by nature and we dare not mess with nature, right:)!?!? And I’m still the high strung, very organized creature he met 20 years ago. No changing that! However, we’ve made some serious changes in how we deal with and respond to one another. My husband may not “love” my very organized and structured ways but he’s learned that because it may not be an important issue to him, it doesn’t mean it’s not important. And I too have learned that if it’s not done, no one will die! LOL! Yall laughing but I truly have to repeat those words to myself almost daily (house cleaning, errands, kids homework, activities, emails, etc)! Okay I’m kidding, “kind of”! Therefore, the fake happily married Herman and April rarely make an appearance as much these days. We’ve come to the realization in our relationship that happiness is only part of the equation, having respect, love and admiration for one another are far more important than “happy” will ever be. Our reasoning, if your relationship has those key elements (respect, love and admiration and not necessarily in that order, lol), the happy will come! And there should be no time in your marriage when you feel you have to “Fake Happily Married”, not even for a stress-filled party at your house! LOL!
Disclaimer: The fake happily married Herman and April will, from time to time, make appearances right before a couple’s trip, a wedding, funeral or any type of family get together! Lol. Come on, I said we’re “learning”…we’re not perfect! LOL! #HowMyDivorceSavedMyMarriage #HMDSMM