Does Your Husband Defend You? Does He Have Your Back In Almost Every Situation? My Answer, No.

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My answer to this question, No;)!

This question comes on the heels of an incident that happened where I had gone to my husband, you know, to get him on my side of course, lol, regarding a situation that occurred between myself and a friend. Well, I’ve been with this man for over 20 years now, I should have known better;)! Backstory on my husband: He loves me and will protect me and our kids with everything in him but he does not “Aid & Abete”! Lol! Never really has (for me or anybody for that matter) and from the looks of his consistent pattern, I don’t think he ever will! Now as one can gather, this has caused some serious contention in our relationship, I mean, my thinking is, even if I’m LOUD and WRONG, you got me, right?!? Umm, No! 
 
I use to think that this “call me out on my CRAP” mentality came from him knowing that as the baby of my HUGE family, I was somewhat use to being “Wrong yet “Defended”, therefore he was not about to perpetuate the dysfunction. Well, as he would never admit to that, I think that’s part of it, lol. However I think the real reason my husband rarely defends me (Disclaimer: He most certainly will “DEFEND ME” when I’m right, “ONLY”, when I’m right) is because it’s honestly just who is. Now before you cry a river for me, this “when you’re wrong, you’re wrong” demeanor is not just laid out for me, his wife, he’s pretty consistent (depending on what the issue is of course) with family and friends. I can recall a few instances when people would tell him a story, wanting him to get behind them and his response, classic my husband, “but wait, what did “YOU” say before that”? Lol. My husband is “risk averse” (he’s an Accountant by trade), meaning he takes no firm stances and makes no emotional moves without first calculating the cost associated with such gestures).  Therefore, in my conversations with him about what somebody did and/or said to me that hurt or offended me, he empathizes, assures me it’s all going to work itself out but not before he asks, “wait, now what transpired before all of that”:).  
 
Now fast forward our lives together. There’s been a marriage, birth of our kids, a devastating divorce and a remarriage. You would think “surely”, at this point in our relationship, he would be more lenient with me and be more apt to just agree for the sake of keeping “peace”, you know, since we’ve been through so much already….Umm, No:).  Lol!  So what all of this “Not defending me” every time I bring something to him has done to and for me is this.  Knowing what I know about “how” my husband will respond when I bring something to him where I want him to immediately take my side, no questions asked, now days, I pause, sometimes right in the middle of a disagreement with a friend or family member and I ask the question to myself, how can you avoid this becoming bigger than what it really is? I STOP! Before I speak hurt, which will then give the other person an out before they hurt or offend me. Now disclaimer, does THAT happen all the time??? Ummm, No! Lol!

But for the most part, knowing that my ace, my ride or die, my number 1 fan, is “NOT” going to uphold or defend me once I “curse” this person out (as a matter of fact, if I’m wrong, he’s going to “lovingly” make me see it from their point of view which instinctively, for me, creates empathy, then an apology, UGH!!! Lol!), forces me to sometimes step back and try my best to see my fault in the misunderstanding.  So as I stated at the beginning of this blog, dude’s got my back, all day, “when I’m right” but what has made me a better friend, sister, aunt, cousin and even a better mom and wife, has honestly been those times when he didn’t (have my back), when I was wrong. I’m better because of him! Thanks for “calling me on my crap” Pondy”! And being brave enough to “not defend” the sometimes indefensible. Okay, let’s be real, most days, thank you, not all! Lol! #HowMyDivorceSavedMyMarriage #HMDSMM
 
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“Refuse To Be Ordinary”! Women’s Conference April 15-17, 2016, Baltimore, MD.

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Check it out! I have been chosen to be a GUEST SPEAKER at the 1st Annual Refuse to be Ordinary Women’s Conference in the great city of Baltimore, MD!

I thought I was a perfect fit because I’d much rather “sit in bed all day reading “Historical Literature…than eat!!! LOL! I know, I’m not your “Ordinary” 40 year old mom and wife, at all! Is that you too? PERFECT! This conference is going to set your LIFE, CAREER and FINANCES on FIRE! You will learn to:
Refuse
Decline
Turn Down
Say No

In Order To:

Empower
Accept
Break Free
Deliver

Grab a girlfriend and meet me there! Early Bird Special Kick-Off is TODAY! I would love for you to join me, grab you ticket and more information here http://www.refusetobeordinaryglobal.com. I will be talking about How My Divorce Saved, not only My Marriage, but how it “Changed” me, forever! I can’t wait!

The line-up is going to bless your socks off!

See you soon!

 

HLN Viewers Loved the “How My Divorce Saved My Marriage” segment!

Per the HLN Producer, Angela Jones, who shot and produced the “How My Divorced Saved My Marriage Segment” with Lynn Smith!

“Shout out to April Moncrief Why did my social media producer tell me that the web version your @howdivorcesavedmymarriage segment got more than 56k views! counting…still counting! Love it when my work resonates with an audience! But i think the fabulous star/author had a lot to do with it! Thanks lady..Hope this makes your day”! #blessed #56thousandandcounting! #celebritiesdontgetthatmanyhits! #greatguestsequalratings!

A Powerful Testimony! Telling My Personal Story about “How My Divorce Saved My Marriage”with “Write Books That Sell Now”!

How My Divorce Just Went LIVE..again yall! Check out my Amazing Podcast I did with “Write Books That Sell Now”! I sat down with these Amazing women and it was an experience of a lifetime! Check it out here! I’m “Telling My Personal Story”!!! If you have a few minutes, this interview is POWERFUL!

 

http://writebooksthatsellnow.com/podcast/episode-3-telling-your-personal-story-with-april-moncrief/

How My Divorce Saved My Marriage is LIVE on HLN Express! Click the link Below!

How My Divorce Saved My Marriage is on HLN this morning! Click the link below and I pray it blesses you all this morning!

So Here it is everyone if you missed me on HLN this morning! Here’s the link to the segment I shot with Lynn Smith on HLN Express a few weeks ago! What an Awesome God we serve! Praying God blesses this segment and all who view it! We’re running through the house over here everyone:)! THIS, is all a GOD thing! This is what we have worked so hard to get to! We want people to know that if you want your relationship back and are willing to put in the work and relinquish the Pride and put it all in God’s hands, Restoration is possible! Ask me how I know! ‪#‎Grateful‬! And Please SHARE this link on your social media sites, email and websites if you feel led to do so. You never know who needs to hear that God is a God Restoration. Thanks again everyone!

And if you haven’t already, please go grab your copy of “How My Divorce Saved My Marriage” at http://www.amazon.com before it’s on backorder…again!

 

http://www.hlntv.com/shows/weekend-express/articles/2015/12/06/divorce-saved-their-marriage

 

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#IMarriedMyDaddy!

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So I know that title may sound a bit disturbing to some but to the majority of my readers, I pray you all get where I’m going with this, lol. #ILITERALLYMarriedmyfather! As most who know me know that I am a true daddy’s girl, always have been! But now let’s be clear, my daddy hasn’t always been a daughter’s daddy. I love my daddy with everything in me but I won’t lie like he’s always been a stand up father. As I got older and began to understand my daddy’s situation and I began to empathize with how he was raised and the things that he saw and/or endured as a young man, I began to “get it”! He “daddied” based on how he was daddied, plain and simple.  You can’t give what you kind of never got. Or, you basically imitate what you saw.

So I forgave my daddy for a lot of things that I felt were honestly him basically being a product of his environment.  So I said all of that to say, to the women out there who instantly go to a negative place when you think of your father, I get it! And I was honestly in the same place for a long time when people would compare my husband to my dad. I would strike back with, “No, my husband is nothing like my daddy”! But that’s because my mind always went to the not so happy memories and images of my father but honestly, my husband IS my father, in so many ways!  What I had to understand was that, it wasn’t the  bad things about my father people were seeing in my husband, but the truly Amazing and heart warming things about my dad that my husband embodies!

My dad is a character!!! He was the first hilariously funny dude in my life and I always say how grateful I am for the ability to LAUGH, not only at myself but umm, achem, at “OTHERS” as well, if truth be told!  LOL! My daddy is CRAY’!!! And will make you pee your pants laughing, my husband, the EXACT same way, EXACTLY, Lol! But it’s not just the silly, funny stuff! His mannerisms are almost identical to my my dad’s!

I mean there have been countless times I’ve said to my husband, “Oh my God, what are you wearing, you smell just like my daddy”. Or, “baby, when you wear that hat like that you look just like daddy”! LOL! I know, its crazy;)!!! But as of late, which is kind of the reason for this blog post, I’ve been noticing more and more “actions” done by my husband that Mimics almost to the tee, “actions” of my daddy in the scariest & strangest ways.

Now mind you, my husband never knew of my dad until he and I met. But as a little girl, my daddy use to carry around a very itty – bitty jar of vaseline in the glove box of his car, in a brown paper bag in the trunk, EVERY WHERE, lol, and he wasn’t sharing it with any of us! No sticky, icky fingers dipping around in “his” personal “grease”, Lol! He would take it out and moisturize his hands and put some on his lips and put it right back in the glove compartment of his car, right in front of my ashy knees and hands, Lol!  I know kind of weird, right; )! And weird because for one, who carries around “Jars of vaseline”!?!?  Especially if you also have the little tube of lip balm in your pocket!!! LOL! Yes, my daddy stayed “greased up”! Lol!

Well, in my cleaning the bathroom this morning,  I was under his (my husband’s) side of the sink, pulling things out and throwing things away and guess what I stumbled upon!?!? That “itty-bitty” jar of vaseline that my daddy use to keep hidden from us! Lol! I just picked it up and began to burst into laughter as tears formed in my eyes;). “Yep, no more denying it”, I finally said out loud to myself, “Peaches, you married your daddy”!

So I wanted to pose the same question to many of you ladies out there, married or “seriously” dating, “Did you Marry, or are seriously dating, your daddy”??? I’m leading with the hashtag, #IMarriedMyDaddy….And I’m showing or telling you HOW I think I married my daddy with a photo or story. And men, you all welcome to get in on the action as well! Yes! Lol! #IMarriedMyMoma! And I want a picture or stories explaining HOW you know this to be true guys;)!  I want to show how eerily important our relationships are with our children because unbeknownst to us, we tend to link up with and later Marry our parents! You know what I mean;).  So  that’s my story yall…and my picture of that very small, itty-bitty jar of vaseline!!! LOL! Happy Monday after Thanksgiving!  Be Blessed in it! #HowMyDivorceSavedMyMarriage #HMDSMM